Cal’s office visit is not going well. He appears to have a tumor on his jaw and we are going to have to make a decision – whether to operate or to let him go. I always pray that my animals will go in their sleep but it never works out that way.
Cal has always been thorny to me, with a rose thrown in here and there. And those roses were so precious! He’d let me hold him and cuddle him for a brief time before he would turn on me with his claws and teeth.
I know what I would tell someone in my position. Let him go, before pain cripples him and the quality of his life is shit. But how do you tell a doctor to stop the heart of a soul you’ve been connected to for twelve years? I did this eleven years ago for Jack when he was in the midst of losing his faculties. It wasn’t an easy decision then and it’s not now. I always wondered afterwards if I should have waited. If he wanted me to wait.
Cal can’t go outside now. He’s falling over when he jumps and is having trouble walking on any surface that isn’t flat. He knows something is going on. Last night before I went to bed he was resting in the dog kennel. He loves a soft surface. This wasn’t soft by any means. I kneeled down and called him to me and he got up and walked to me. Another thing he doesn’t do if he’s chilling. I picked him up and carried him upstairs and put him on the bed. He walked over to Derrick and laid down on him for a minute then went to his blanket and snuggled with that. This morning he got up on the bed with me and laid on my chest while I pet him. I got up late because I didn’t want to stop. That’s not his normal with me.
In my head I’m hoping that the vet says it’s a very simple and cheap procedure and that he’ll be fine, so do the surgery and take him home. In my heart I know that time is fleeting and I hope that even though we had our differences, and our personalities clashed, that I loved him and love him, still.
I know this is not a crafty post, but I will eventually scrap this and I want it here.
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